Beekeeper's Grand Daughter

Cousins

2012-02-14T20:03:00.000-07:00

We are so lucky to have cousins that live close! My kids LIVE for them!

Quotes for a Friend---Free Quote Printables

2012-02-07T18:08:00.001-07:00

I've been putting something together for a friend who is going through a rough time and I liked some of my creations so I thought I'd share them! You are all welcome to them if there's something you like. (:

Have a good day!

Slipping...

2012-02-06T22:01:00.000-07:00

I think I'm bored with my routine. In the last week or so I feel like I've been getting a little lazy in my workouts and food journal. Extra calories and even sugar seem to have crept into my life...but today someone posted a rockin' quote on facebook and it gave me the exact inspiration I needed.

I'm 37 lbs down and LOVING it! I'm actually starting to feel like a 27-year-old. *Yay!* Losing this feeling of accomplishment and strength is not worth the cookies! (:

Now...onto revamping my workout routines!

Girls Camp- Binder

2012-01-31T20:19:00.000-07:00

I've been working on stuff for YW camp this summer and I thought I'd post some of the stuff I've been putting together, just for fun! You're welcome to whatever I post...or I'll let you know if you're not. (:

Like other things I give out, just click and save the image to your computer. I have a bunch of other pages for the different sections. If you're interested in those, let me know.

All of these, plus more, are in my binder and the Theme and Journal pages are in the girls' binders. I really want to promote journal writing this year because it is something that has been very beneficial to me in my own life.

I think I will be posting about camp a lot! There is sooooo much that goes into it. I've officially been humbled and I am very grateful for the leaders I had growing up who put up with me and my friends. (:

My Favorite Bread Recipe

2012-01-27T08:13:00.001-07:00

This bread is so good. Like SOOOOOOOOO good! The recipe comes from "The Wheat Lady" (who I couldn't seem to find a site for...so let me know if there is one so I can link it) and I love it. It is super easy and really good for you! On that note...I think I need a slice.

I grind my own flour for this recipe. (fyi-It takes about 8 C of hard white wheat to make up the flour portion.) You can use whatever whole wheat flour you want though.

Whole Wheat Bread

from "the Wheat Lady"

Bake @ 350 for 30-35 minutes---Yields 4 loaves

10-12 C whole wheat flour

1 tbsp salt

1/4 C oil

3/4 C honey

2 tbsp dough enhancer or vital wheat gluten

5 C hot water

2 tbsp yeast

*Combine oil, honey, salt and dough enhancer with whisk or paddle attachment

*Switch to kneading attachment

*Add 5 C water and 1/2 the flour---mix

*Add yeast and remainder of flour while mixing and watch for sides to clear

*Cover and knead in mixer for 5 minutes.

*Stop kneading, remove attachment and let rise 15 minutes

*Oil the counter (just pour a small amount of oil onto counter) and drop dough onto it.

*Cut into four equal sized pieces.

*Roll, spank (for air bubbles) and place dough into greased bread pans

*Let rise as desired and then put them in the oven

Tips:

-Water temperature can be tricky, you don't want it too cool or too hot, but my sister told me to find the right range by finding the hottest temp I typically use when I shower. Does that make sense? Hopefully. I've had success every time since.

-If you grind your own flour, be sure to put any extra flour in the freezer so it will retain its nutrients.

-This bread freezes really well. If I haven't given my extra loaves away (which my husband doesn't love this trend of mine...) then I wrap each extra thoroughly in plastic wrap and place in a gallon sized ziploc bag...zip it and then into the freezer it goes! Take the bread out a day before it is needed and let it thaw. It tastes fantastic even after being in the freezer.

Happy Friday!

Free Printable

2012-01-25T15:03:00.002-07:00

Here's another one! Just for funsies... I love having this on my wall, so I hope you do too.

(It's cropped for a 4x6)
Just save the image and print!

Healthy Tips

2012-01-25T07:26:00.000-07:00

Here's what I did to get started on the Road to Health...

-Drink 100 oz water a day

-Take a daily probiotic (I take Align)

-Exercise at least 30 minutes a day

-Consume at least 25 grams of fiber per day (this helped me make the switch from processed grains to whole grains)

-No soda or caffeine

The only thing that I've not been consistent on is the soda. I was soda free for almost two months and it was great but I indulged during the holidays and took a few steps back. I'm a work in progress, people. *I thought I liked the caffeine part of Diet Coke but actually, I think it's about the fizzy. So if I actually get a drink it's a 20 oz Caffeine Free Diet Coke. Baby steps, right?*

Anyway, follow the guidelines above and see what it does for you! Personally, I felt sooooo much better and it was simple enough that it wasn't completely life-altering...helped me ease into other healthy habits.

Grief

2012-01-24T16:01:00.001-07:00

Lately, I have desperately missed my brother. I don't know how else to put it. I think about him all the time...not a day goes by that I don't. The funny thing is that as much as I think about him...it's never really about him. I think about what he did and how it's affected everyone. I think about what he had dealt with, how to prevent this from happening to anyone else, and how our lives have changed so much. Really, the list goes on and on and I find that as I think about all these things I stay very emotion-less. I've actually taken some pride in the fact that I'm not emotional about it. I know that's strange but I think it makes me feel like I'm getting stronger.

But then every now and again I actually think about him...as the man he was and I cannot help the onslaught of emotions. My defenses made up of my theories and analysis are completely torn down. I just plain miss him. He was one of my best friends and supports. He was so funny and smart. Today I am completely worn down by memories, good and bad, and regrets...it's overwhelming to say the least.

Each time this happens, I always come to the same conclusion---I am so grateful for David and what I learned from him personally and through his life and death. It's truly a blessing to be his sister.

(Me and Dave at Seaworld)

Now go tell your siblings that you love them! They're kind of a big deal.

Recently and Random

2012-01-23T08:24:00.000-07:00

I'm a lame blogger...fer realsies...well, here is what's been going on---

(Loooong post, but it has pictures)

Recently

Younger brother Michael entered the MTC on January 4. We've heard from him a couple times and he is doing GREAT! I'm so proud of him. Below is a picture of something a neighbor brought to my parents. It's a quote from Mike's farewell talk...hilarious boy...

I started school again! Yay! I'm just taking one class at a time until Teejay graduates next year, but I am so excited about school. And I officially know what I'm going to do! Social Work. I cannot tell you how much better school is when you know what you want to do! There was a lot of thought, prayer and research that went into my decision and I feel great about it. Another yay!

We've been going to a lot of basketball games. 'Tis the season I guess! It's been fun to go back to my junior high to watch my nephew. Brings me back to the old days when I used to run up and down the court really fast (that's about all I did...maybe scored a couple times) It was such a great experience that I totally couldn't wait to play in high school. Wrong! It ruined basketball for me forever. Oh well...my nephew is a blast to watch! INCREDIBLE ball player! Seriously folks, he's the real deal. (:

James isn't doing preschool this "semester" so I've been putting together my own little preschool time with the kids. James is learning to write and is really into sounding out letters to make words. We're just starting so I'm excited to see how both kids progress. (:

Random

-Throughout the Fall and the Winter thus far I was prideful of the fact that my kids didn't really get sick. Maybe the sniffles and the like, but nothing big or lasting. Enter January...sigh...We all got blasted with a horrible, horrible cold (yours truly ended up in the ER because of it; severe colds and allergic reactions do not work well together) and last week it was a 24-hour stomach bug. Crossing my fingers February is nicer to us!

-Planning and preparing for Girls Camp has officially begun! I'm incredibly excited and overwhelmed at the same time. I think the hardest thing will be to convince a few of the girls to actually come to camp!

-I've lost about 8 inches in the last month. *Fist bump*

-If Newt Gingrich is the Republican nominee I will vote for Obama. (I actually voted Obama the first time, too. Don't tell my parents) I really think that Mitt Romney is the best candidate. I don't love how much his stance on things has changed since he was a governor but I do believe he'll be able to handle the financial woes of our time. Note that I said handle, not fix.

-I tried kickboxing for the first time last week. It was super hard and I was sore for 4 days, but I'm going back tonight so I guess I liked it well enough. (:

Well, my family is officially awake and ready to start the day so that's it for now! Have an excellent Monday!

(Mop-head McGee)

It's ME time...

2012-01-16T21:50:00.000-07:00

As far as my personal fitness and well-being goes the BEST thing for me to realize was that...

Taking care of myself and being healthy is not "one more thing I have to do" but is a chance to have some "me" time.

Since I realized this I am actually excited to go work-out and eat right. It's something I get to do for myself that makes me happy.

(Except I'm not a huge runner...just replace the word "running" with "working out"...you get the point)

A Happy Weigh-In

2012-01-12T14:06:00.001-07:00

I did a happy dance after getting on the scale for my weekly weight-check. 212.4. YES!!! I was plateau-d at 219 for 3 weeks so I am very excited to see the change.

A huge thank you to all of you who encouraged me when I had a frustration with scale a couple weeks ago. I had many people remind me that it's not entirely about the number on the scale but how my body is changing. Thank you for reminding me. I will no longer live or die by the scale. (:

A Thursday Thought

2012-01-12T12:08:00.002-07:00

Insult or compliment?

2012-01-09T12:21:00.001-07:00

Back when I was 16, I had to get a physical for track and I remember the nurse saying "Wow! You're heavier than you look!" (I was 130 lbs) At the time I was devastated...as a teenager I was obsessed with weight. I decided that it was better than being the opposite though. Glad I was wasn't lighter than I looked. (;

Today I went for a weigh-in at my doctor's office and I heard it again. I got on the scale and the nurse started it at 150, I told her to move it up to 200 and she was shocked..."You're over 200 lbs! I can't believe that...You're heavier than you look!"

You know what? I'll take it!

Glad I build muscle so well. As I've been working out it's been fun to see the changes in my body. As soon as I get the details worked out I am going to post my work-outs. I think I have a good plan...I hope. I just started strength training a few weeks ago, and it's been a little random so it will help to have a plan.

So how are all of you? Do anything fun this weekend?

Our 2011

2012-01-04T06:47:00.004-07:00

It was a...an eventful year. Lots of trying times but lots of good as well!

-I officially dissolved my photography business. A lot of people asked me if that was the right decision and yes...it sure was! I was really able to focus on my family and myself, which was overdue. It just wasn't my time to do both.

-I started up blogging again by starting this blog. I'm kind of a flaky blogger though... (:

-I took my first trip away from my husband and kids to join my Millar mom and sisters in St George for a Stampin' Up event.

-We celebrated my brother David's birthday by getting together, visiting the cemetery to send off balloons and watch old home movies. It was a great day!

-April was a crazy month. Actually, the 12th of April was just a crazy day. We started the day with James breaking his leg, the sweet boy. He was so brave! On the way to the hospital he was crying and yelled "Mom! I'm freaking out!" So cute and so sad. They had to sedate him and reduce the bone which was horrible to watch, but the doctor did a perfect job and we were good to come home in the early afternoon. I had time to shower, get dressed and head down to my Grandma's apartment where I had the privilege to be there for her last few breaths. She had been slowly dying for the few days before...it was quite a day. An exhausting day.

-June was another eventful month with Teejay's Grandma Peahl passing away. A lot of the Millars, including Teej, made the drive out to Dewitt, Iowa for the second funeral service. Lots of miles in just a few days. Grandma Peahl and my Grandma Meyer are missed...big time. We were so blessed to have them close by.

Also in June, Crystal the dog joined our family and we love her to pieces! We also celebrated our five year anniversary, but neither of us can remember how we celebrated. (Haha Teejay said "Probably golf...")

-I did my first refinishing and reupholstering projects.

Heading into the Fall we started with a Millar Family Reunion. The Vuyk Family (Teejay's oldest sister's family) came into town and we stayed the weekend down at mom and dad's house. I don't think I did a post about this but we all had a blast. One of the activities was a giant "water slide" and James loved it. My awesome nephew, Porter, let James ride on his back down the slide...cousins are the best, aren't they?

By the end of the weekend, my kids were dirty and tired. Evidence of a successful weekend of playing and fun!

-The rest of September was heightened stomach problems for me and the year-mark of Dave's suicide. (I don't think the two were completely unrelated) On that day we decided to make it a day of service, dedicated to David. It made the day a little more tolerable.

-October was a MIRACLE month. In a short amount of time I found out I had elevated liver enzyme and sugar levels which gave me a good kick in the pants. I was able to meet with a gastroenterologist a full month before I was scheduled to thanks to my sister...had an endoscopy...found out I have a bunch of food allergies causing my years of stomach issues and difficulty swallowing...and it was just a fun month! Since eliminating the allergens, a healthy diet and regular exercise I have been pain free! And I don't choke on my food! Big success and I am so grateful. Did I ever mention that I had my levels retested and both levels were back in the normal range? Yay for being healthy! And yay for my Halloween cuties! They are happy to have a healthy mommy. (I hate it when James talks about his memories and they include "mommy was sick"...it was too often the case)

-In November we took our first vacation as a family of four to California for Thanksgiving. We played, ate, went to the beach, the Mormon Battalion Museum and the San Diego Zoo. Jeff and Jenn gave me a little birthday party after a date with my hubs...it was a GREAT weekend!

-End of November/Early December was Birthday Week! My kids each had the opportunity to be "Birthday Boss" and they loved it!

The rest of the year brought lots of family fun as we celebrated Christmas and got ready for Michael to leave on his mission. Mike and I played lots of racquetball which is essential to being a good missionary. (: It gave me a chance to hang out with him has much as I could before he goes!

It was a big year over here at the Millar house and we're ready for whatever 2012 might bring!

The Year 2011

2012-01-01T20:11:00.001-07:00

Looking back at 2011 there seems to be a recurrent theme---Service. What I learned from serving others and from letting others serve me. (Both hard at times) It was a big year for personal growth and I'm grateful for where I am now compared to last year.

"Often, the answer to our prayer does not come while we’re on our knees but while we’re on our feet serving the Lord and serving those around us."

-Elder Dieter Uchtdorf

(From his April 2011 GC talk)

My testimony was lacking last year at this time and I am pretty sure I was one of those that Elder Uchtdorf spoke about in the talk linked above---Waiting on the Road to Damascus. I was waiting for something big to happen and I prayed and waited for it to happen...but nothing came. I don't know how it came about exactly but I decided to make goals that involved serving my family and those around me. What a difference that has made to my life!

I had quite a few experiences where I followed through with an idea (which I now know was a prompting) and was actually able to witness what came from it. When does that ever happen? I feel like most of the time you have a prompting, do what you feel like you should do and then hope it was the right thing...never seeing if it really helped someone. It was such a huge blessing to see the benefits of service multiple times in the last year and I know it was not coincidental. I was able to see the gospel at work. I needed that.

By following the commandment to serve others, I saw the face of Jesus Christ more clearly than any "vision" or grand experience I could have had and it's changed my life. I'm so grateful and happy!

2011 had a lot of ups and downs but in the end I can say it was a good year. There's more I want to write about, and I will, but I really wanted to touch on this topic first. If you actually read this post, thank you! If not...I totally understand. It's more fun to read posts with pictures! I'll try to include some in the upcoming posts.

Have a good day/night!

Family

2011-12-30T09:43:00.002-07:00

Love ALL these people sooooo much! Can you believe we are up to 45 people?

We'll be together quite a bit this weekend and on Tuesday as we get ready to send my little brother on a mission for the LDS Church. Man I am going to miss that guy! Mike is going to be such a great missionary though. He is ready and excited so you can't help but feel excited too. (Okay...now I'm getting teary...) Aren't these young missionaries impressive? It's incredible.

I hope everyone has a wonderful New Year's weekend. I plan on hanging out with the fam and eating good food. Not a bad life, right?

Slump Day

2011-12-28T09:12:00.001-07:00

Happy Wednesday! Today I am working on being positive, despite the fact that I don't feel...positive. With no change to my diet or exercise over the holiday weekend I'm somehow up five pounds and I have no idea why. In the past I used to joke that all I had to do was look at food and I'd gain weight---maybe I've somehow achieved that amazing feat. (No, I'm not being serious)

The only thing I can come with is that I am retaining water. I mean, you can't gain actual weight without eating the extra calories, right? Wrong? I'm all ears if anyone knows anything.

I know it seems silly but I'm feeling really disheartened today...I work SO hard all day, every day to be healthy and lose weight so to have a higher number on the scale this morning was a big bummer. That's why I am practicing POSITIVITY! So I don't "eat my feelings." (:

I thought it might be helpful to remind myself why I am losing weight, so here goes---

I have a wonderful body that deserves respect,

I was tired of feeling like a 70-year-old person in the morning,

I want to be an active and involved mother,

and I miss feeling like I look good.

It's good to remember what I'm working for and why it would be lame of me to overeat. I'm also going to take my Grandpa's advice---"You have five minutes to be upset, then you need to move on."

Well, the five minutes are up and I'm movin' on. Wish me luck!

Happy Monday!

2011-12-19T07:37:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about the past year; what has changed in my life to help me become a happier person. I think I have finally realized what my life is about, what I value and that it's worth the hard work---My family.

I'm so grateful to have come to this realization and in such a strong way. I loooooooove this little family of mine and I am so blessed to be a wife and a mother. Is it glamorous? Um, no. Is it a crazy amount of work everyday? Yep, and I'm ready and willing to work...more than ever.

Below is a quote from Marjorie Pay Hinckley that I keep close at hand, and has been an inspiration to me as I've changed the desires of my heart in the last year.

“I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.”

-Marjorie Pay Hinckley

I love this. So much. It will be on my mind as I start a new week, and very soon...a new year.

I hope you all have a wonderful week!

Merry Christmas!!!

Spray painting Ikea Kassett Boxes

2011-12-16T11:59:00.006-07:00

I love these boxes and use them all over my house. A couple years ago I wanted red ones, but Ikea didn't have red so I whipped out the spray paint. After spraying them I learned quickly that scraping the paint off the metal parts of the lid was a PAIN! I had the idea to use glue on the metal (fact: I was one of those kids that loved to rub Elmer's Glue on my hands just for the sheer joy of peeling it when it dried. So yes...weird kid) so I grabbed the Elmer's and a small paint brush and in the end it totally worked! It made it soooo much easier!

Since it's been a while since I spray-painted the boxes, I wanted to duplicate it before I posted any kind of tutorial. Just in case it was some happy accident. Well I did it again this week and it really does work so my friends...here is my little tutorial!

Enjoy!

Dip your brush into the glue and brush onto the metal. Make sure you cover it! Too little glue just means a little scraping at the end...not a big deal but not as fun either.

As soon as the glue is dry you can start spraying!

When the paint is almost dry (basically if it's just a tiny bit tacky) then you can start peeling. Yay!

99.9% came off super clean and pretty except for the small spots that maybe didn't have enough glue. I just used my exact-o knife to clean up any little specks that didn't come off when I was peeling.

Put the box back together and VOILA! You have a rockin' box in the color you wanted! Yay!

If you try it, let me know how it goes!

Recently and Random

2011-12-16T08:19:00.001-07:00

Recently...

We celebrated James and Abbey's Birthdays! (Birthday Boss was a total success)

Witnessed Snow College (where my younger brother played football this past Fall) win the Top of the Mountain Bowl game.

I made Abbey's Christmas gifts which included doll clothes & blankets and fixing up this stoller...

Teejay survived finals. He is one happy man!

Played with these rockin' Wisconsin cousins...(and took their family pictures)

We made a gingerbread house...

Abbey has already helped herself to most of the candy on the back (:

The rest of our family will be in town this weekend to hear my awesome little brother speak in church before leaving on his mission to Honduras on Jan. 4.

So excited for him!

It's been a busy month!

Random...

It was a hard week at the gym! I think my body is ready for a rest this weekend.
I watched "The Year with Katie Couric" last night and didn't know a high percentage of the people and stories that were featured. Even more pathetic is the fact that I only recognized a lot of the political stories because of SNL. Embarrassing....I feel a New Year's Resolution coming on.
I need just one good dump of snow before Christmas. This cold weather with no snow is killing me...and I don't even like snow.
I'm so happy that Frasier is on Netflix.
We're eating chili and playing games with some of my favorite people tonight...so excited. I'd better go make the chili!

I hope everyone is doing well this holiday season! Merry Christmas!!!

1200 ain't that bad...

2011-12-14T07:12:00.001-07:00

A few years ago my ob-gyn told me that if I wanted to lose weight and keep it off I'd need to keep my calories to 1200 per day. I was appalled. "1200?! I'll starve!" I didn't even try it.

Fast-forward to the present and I'm going for the 1200 per day lifestyle and it is sooooo much easier than I thought. Don't get me wrong, it takes a lot of thought and planning to eat but I'm making the calories count by choosing healthier, more filling foods. The "easy" part is that I'm not starving and I feel great!

So, if you're concerned about the calorie count just go for it! You will not starve if you choose the right foods.

One of my favorite go-to sources for healthy eating is Megan's blog, Muncher Cruncher.

My favorite snack? Orville Redenbacher's 100 Calorie Kettle Korn.

Just a theory

2011-12-09T08:50:00.001-07:00

A lot of overweight people have stories about when someone called them a name or made some weird/pointed/awful comment about their appearance. People actually do this when you're pregnant too. (Being pregnant and being fat are not the same thing....but in either case people seem to want to comment on it to you)

Did you know I've never had a mean comment as a fat person or a pregnant person? Not even a jokey-comment like "Looks like you've stored up enough for the winter" or "When's the watermelon harvest?" I think I know why...

I think I might be an angry-lookin' fat person. Like, I WILL EAT YOU if you say anything about how I look.

Just a theory...(:

Short Curtains

2011-12-01T13:20:00.002-07:00

Short curtains are a big "no-no" right now in home decor but you know what? I LOVE them! I made some for my kitchen and I get tons of compliments on them....so....the moral here is just do what you love!

Birthday Boss

2011-11-30T09:09:00.001-07:00

Since we have two kids with birthdays very close to Christmas, we decided to implement the "Birthday Boss" idea. (We don't want to go broke every year at this time...(: ) The Birthday Boss gets to choose what we play, eat, and where we go. I don't know how many years we can get away with this but we're giving it a go and the kids love the idea.

I made shirts with the printable, iron-on transfers and I think I just found a new favorite thing. I used one of Abbey's old white shirts that had a bunch of spots on it and voila! No more spots. Here's a look---

Hope everyone is having as great a holiday season as we are! Go do something fun and festive!

Birthday Week!

2011-11-29T17:57:00.001-07:00

My adorable, wonderful, silly, musical, sweet-hearted daughter is turning two tomorrow.

A little about Abbey as an almost-two-year-old...

-She loooooves chocolate. A true woman!

-Go Diego Go! and Tangled are her favorites

-She loves to sing and is great at it.

-She's super funny and is a big tease

-Pink-pink-pink!

-The definition of "Daddy's Girl" She merely puts up with me. (;

-She talks. A LOT.

-If it were possible, she would wear all her shoes at the same time. She is a shoe girl.

-She is probably the best tantrum thrower ever. Ever. Stubborn and dramatic.

-Despite her flair for drama, she is a tender-heart. She is the first one to give a hug when someone is sad.

We absolutely love Abbey and what she adds to our family. So glad we get to celebrate her tomorrow!

On Saturday my handsome, sweet, talented, and loving son is turning four-years-old.

A little about James as an almost-4-year-old...

-He can spell his name

-He is still a great dancer. He picks up on rhythms easily and is fun to watch.

-He loves Go Diego Go! and Phineas and Ferb.

-A great helper. He helps me with dishes and laundry all the time.

-He is the epitome of loving. He loves people with all his heart.

-Blue-blue-blue!

-Extremely coordinated.

-Loves to take things apart and put them back together...smarty-pants!

-He takes great care of his little sister. He protects and teaches her.

-He lives for cousins! We are so lucky to have so many nearby.

We sure love that James! He is counting down to his birthday...it is going to be a great day!

Aren't I a lucky mommy? I have the best kids in the world!

Sometimes...

2011-11-16T16:40:00.001-07:00

...when I want to eat more than I should, I take a look at clothes and daydream of the day I can wear them and look fabulous.

So here's what I'm dreaming about today---

Mum-mum-mum-Marker Face

2011-11-15T18:18:00.001-07:00

Cute girl is into drawing all the time...mostly on herself.

Motivation Monday

2011-11-14T09:05:00.002-07:00

(Picture via Google)

Today I have a follow-up appointment with the gastroenterologist and I believe it will be a happy one. I get to report that I've lost almost 20 lbs and have significantly reduced the amount of fats and sugars I eat. Woohoo! You see, at the beginning of October I had my first visit with Dr. T and he gave me the kick in the pants I needed. He essentially told me that yes, I had stomach problems (which we solved with the allergy testing! yay!) but the rest of my issues were MY FAULT. That I was damaging my body (in one way permanently) by over-eating and not exercising regularly.

Not good.

That is when I started to view weight-loss as something that I wanted to do and not what I was expected to do. Somehow the switch got flipped and it was a good month and a half. I worry multiple times every day that I'm going to fail. And fail miserably...maybe end up on a TLC special about the Ginormous Woman Who Just Exists. So it's a huge struggle. Sometimes it takes everything I have to not eat more than necessary and just a few times I gave in. My sister gave me the best advice on this..."Just take it one meal at a time. If you eat poorly or too much don't let it blow the rest of the day. Just start over again the next time you eat" Perfect advice for me.

I have a rockin' family who supports and inspires me. I have great friends who want to be healthy too. I have intrinsic motivation. I have kids who keep me busy and a dog who needs walking. Most importantly, I have a husband who wants me to be happy and is supportive in every facet of my life. Man, I love that guy!

I can and I will be healthy! Who's with me? (:

DIY

2011-11-12T20:37:00.002-07:00

Teejay and I are the definition of "Do-It-Yourself"-ers. Everything from the addition on our house down to painting stripes on curtains, we've done it ourselves (and the help of some fabulous family members). I complained on facebook the other day that I would just love to buy something full price or pay for a service (like tile-work or cabinets) and have it ready to go. But with our budget, we wouldn't get what we really wanted. So even though DIY can be a tedious pain in the rear, it is so worth it.

Here's what we've been working on...

Window Treatments...

(I still need to finish the other two panels)

(I've read and been told a number of times that short drapes are a "no-no", but I love these! What a rebel...)

And Bunkbeds!

(Teejay did an incredible job on these! They are awesome and the kids love 'em)

With these three projects we saved hundreds of dollars doing it ourselves....so I guess I can handle it until I'm ridiculously wealthy. In five years. (:

Fall Leaves

2011-11-12T20:09:00.003-07:00

James was soooo excited to help me rake up the leaves this year. He wanted to jump into a pile of leaves. Big time. So we raked up what we had in the yard and even though it made a pretty pathetic little pile, he wasn't going to let that stop him. I ran quickly to get my camera and we both got into position.

Hilarious. As you can see, it was a little disappointing to him. To make up for it, we went over to a nearby office park that we knew had lots of leaves so that James could experience Fall leaves in the proper way.

Ahhhhh....exactly how it should be! (:

October

2011-11-01T15:57:00.001-06:00

I love the Fall! October was especially fun because the weather was awesome! Here's what we did---

Pumpkin Carving with some family and friends...

We went for a ride on the Stringtown Nightmare Express with Eva and Mariah.

We went to Pumpkin Land! It was a blast! They have a corn maze, inflatables, animals and a rockin' playground. The kids had so much fun.

Threw a shower for one of my favorite friends, Gretchen!

And finally, HALLOWEEEEEEEN!

What a wonderful month! We are excited for all the fun that November will bring.

Sorry Laurie...no more food

2011-10-20T12:46:00.001-06:00

I'm starting to feel like I can't eat anything. Not only am I working on losing weight (low fat/sugar, high fiber diet) but I recently found out that I am VERY allergic to eggs, milk, garlic and have minor allergies to peanuts and mustard. And that's what has been causing my esophagus and stomach issues that I've had for years. For realsies, body?!

Okay, I'm being dramatic. There's plenty for me to eat. But there is now a lot that I can't. Do you know how many foods have milk and eggs (in all the different forms)? It's nuts. And no garlic? Garlic is my favorite.

Blerg.

The huge upside to all of this is that I finally have some answers as to why I have been feeling crappy for so long. So, YAY for that!

One more YAY....no Diet Coke for almost a month! I heard applause in my head when I typed that so I'll just take a bow. This is a big deal people.

So, good things are happening but it's been a little rough. I'm learning to value my body and to treat it well. I've been unhealthy in more than one way (binge much?) so this lesson is long overdue. I'm grateful for it!

Kitchen Table

2011-10-18T17:12:00.001-06:00

I re-finished my kitchen table a while back and I love it. It was SOOOO tedious but worth the work.

Goodbye 10 lbs

2011-10-07T14:27:00.001-06:00

I will work hard to never, ever see you again! I've been keeping track of my calories on MyFitnessPal and it rocks. Really easy to use online and on the app.

I'm just at the beginning of my battle to lose the (crazy amount of) weight but this is the time I'm going to do it and do it for good. I'm through with feeling gross and ache-y. Another huge motivator is (now watch out...I'm going to type it in all caps)

I WANT TO WEAR CLOTHES BECAUSE THEY'RE CUTE...NOT BECAUSE THEY FIT!!!

(Please tell me if you've ever felt this way)

I'm not a brave fat person. When it comes to clothes all I care about is making sure that I am completely covered...sometimes twice. (: I don't try to squeeze into things. I'm frumpy. But that is going to change!

So goodbye 10 lbs. Farewell. Adios. Ciao. Auf Wiedersehen. Sayonara. Adieu!

Perfect Pigtails

2011-09-25T18:49:00.001-06:00

Abbey's hair is finally long enough for pigtails! I love them...

Collective Anxiety

2011-09-22T08:22:00.002-06:00

For the last month there has been a palpable anxiety at all our family gatherings. We can all feel it. No one talks about it at the actual gathering but it seems like you hear it from everyone afterward.

We are approaching the first anniversary of my brother's suicide and no one knows what to do about it.

How are we supposed to feel a year later? Do we get together? We won't celebrate it (obviously) but what do we do? A dinner? A service project? Nothing?

David was here on this day last year. Over the last year I've been able to say that on every occasion which is sad and oddly comforting. Memories were close and it felt like maybe I just hadn't seen him in a while. After Tuesday I won't be able to think that way anymore....

Have I ever mentioned how completely horrific that day was? To have Maybe my family is worried that the 27th will hurt just as badly as it did last year. I hope that's not true. I'd be good with just a little less hurting.

So there you have it...as a family we are incredibly anxious about next week. If I could avoid going through with whatever Tuesday brings I would, but unfortunate time moves on and we go with it.

And you'll probably be reading a lot more about my experiences next week.

Fer Realsies

2011-09-21T21:14:00.003-06:00

I dream about having Keri Russell's hair. It's pretty much the opposite of what I have atop my head...

I've been watching Felicity on Netflix and all I can think about is how great it would be to have her hair.

Oh, and Scott Foley is adorable.

Who is this girl's mother?

2011-09-06T22:44:00.001-06:00

Clearly she doesn't have one because she is a messy, dirty, crazy haired baby-girl.

Oh wait....I'm her mom.

This is what she looked like after waking up from her nap yesterday and this picture has been making me laugh since it was taken. I promise she's been bathed and fed since.

I'd be lying if I said she and James don't end up looking like this most days. They are just very active little beans who love all things dirty. Live it up kiddos!

Just the After

2011-09-02T11:26:00.002-06:00

I don't have any great before pictures of the kids' room (which was first our room) so here are the afters. I painted the stripes in May and it took all the self-control I could muster to not do it on the rest of the walls in my house. I love it that much. (Kirsten warned me that could happen when I told her my plans during the consultation.)

J & A's Room

(Their room does not look like this 99.5% of the time)

Want a little Friday Freebie? Okay! Here you go!

(It's sized to an 8x10)

Have a FANTASTIC weekend! We are going to be reunion-ing it up this weekend and we are excited!

Featured...

2011-08-30T21:35:00.000-06:00

Our little house was featured on one of my favorite blogs, Better After! Woohoo!

Today I had over 700 views on my blog....what?! I knew she was going to post it but had I thought one step further I would have posted something really cool on my blog...like....a...........picture of Bono! Then people would think that I'm super hip. Lol (: (I think the fact that I just wrote "super hip" negates any hipness I might attain in the future....blerg)

I will post the rest of the Before and Afters this week!

Ah, the kitchen...

2011-08-22T22:43:00.001-06:00

After almost three years the kitchen has yet to be finished, but we are SO close! One cupboard door was built the wrong size and we have some panels to put up, but it's close enough that I will post pictures. Can you believe that Teejay and his brother did 95% of all this? Incredible. If it seems like I'm showing off it's because I am! I am soooooo impressed with Teejay and all he did. I'm shamelessly bragging about him and his brother Talon and I don't care who knows it! (:

So here are a couple shots of the kitchen when we bought the house....

(man I wish I would have taken more pictures!)

Then we started adding on...

(Here you can see how small the kitchen was. We lived with our door like that for the whole winter as we worked on the addtion)

And now for the Before and Afters!!!

Aah! I love Before and Afters! As I look through the pictures I get a little anxious though. There were months (years) of debris and tons of building tools and materials everywhere....I didn't have a kitchen sink for almost three months. I'm so glad it is basically done! Come back tomorrow for pictures of the original two bedrooms.

Front Room & Bathroom

2011-08-22T13:30:00.001-06:00

Okay! I finally took some snapshots of my house, so here we go----
(Picture 1-what it looked like when we bought it....horrible ca-ca brown color everywhere. Walls, trim, ceilings. Everywhere.)
(Pictures 2 & 3- Blue and cluttered to Scone and cleaned up)
(Picture 4- What it looks like now. Not a great picture, but you get the idea)

Front Room #2

I LOVE my big windows! I don't have a good picture of this corner with the blue walls...(and yes, I was watching the Community paintball episode while taking pictures today)

Front Room #3

Bathroom

I wish the picture could show how bad the bathroom was what we bought the house. We had to cover the window when we added onto the house. We looove the new bathroom. So happy, bright and clean! And subway tile....mmmm)

So what do you think? Tomorrow I'm posting pictures of the kitchen and laundry room!

Before and After Week

2011-08-13T17:50:00.001-06:00

We have been working on our home since we moved into it four years ago. We have done a TON to fix it up, including a good-sized addition. Next week, I will be featuring all the different Before and After pictures I have so you can see how we went from this---

(When the house was almost ours....do you see Teejay creepily standing in the window?lol)

To this---

(A little better...still pretty sad)

To now---

(Teejay decided to reprise his role as creepy guy in the window)

(Fyi: The shutters are dark brown, not black. They look black in pictures)

And the inside changed right along with it! I'm so excited to show all of you! We love our house.

Treis and Kenz

2011-08-12T10:11:00.001-06:00

Teejay's little brother Treis getting married! We love McKenzie and we are so excited for them! See more pictures of them here on my picture blog--- http://bkgpictures.blogspot.com/

(They humored me by jumping in Utah Lake at the end of the shoot...bless their souls)

Goo...

2011-08-12T00:43:00.000-06:00

Let me just say that I don't really get grossed out about women nursing in public. It's not a big deal as long as they're covered up....or even semi-covered up. I'm totally good with it. But today I saw something that made me laugh, then cringe, really laugh and then cringe more.

I was walking in Roberts Craft and there was a lady wearing a tube-top squatting in a side aisle nursing her baby. It was a little shocking so I walked a little faster to the front of the store...(was I supposed to tell somebody?) Even now as I type I go back-and-forth between laughing and cringing.

It was....weird.

What a brave, classy lady.

Juice Cleanse update

2011-08-03T16:23:00.001-06:00

Okay...so I'm still alive! It's the last part of the 3rd day. On days one and two went really well and honestly, I was surprised. Today, I'm tired and emotional....part of that has to do with my children though.

All-together, I'm feeling good and ready to finish out the week!

Thank you for the recipes Whitney!

Juice Cleanse

2011-08-01T02:29:00.001-06:00

Tomorrow I am starting a week long juice cleanse....I don't know why. I guess I just wanted to try it, give myself a little jumpstart. Also, I kind of want to see if I can do it. Only juice for a full week? Geez!

Have any of you tried something like this? It's not to lose weight, I just feel gross. I have some friends who recommended this to me, so let's see how it goes!

Afternoon Nap

2011-07-30T17:17:00.001-06:00

I love this. Like, really really love this. These two have such a sweet relationship and I am so grateful.

Saturday Freebie!

2011-07-30T13:47:00.008-06:00

Let's begin with President Monson's talk from the last general conference---

"Advice from President Spencer W. Kimball. Said he: “It would be a fine thing if … parents would have in every bedroom in their house a picture of the temple so [their children] from the time [they are] infant[s] could look at the picture every day [until] it becomes a part of [their lives]. When [they reach] the age that [they need] to make [the] very important decision [concerning going to the temple], it will have already been made.”

I've been working on doing this in my own home and I love the spirit it brings. So I'm passing along one of my favorites, the one in my kids' room.

If you'd like go ahead and click the picture, download (click actions--view all sizes---download the large size of this photo), print it and put it up in your home! Feel free to pass this along to anyone that you think might like it! (It is sized to an 11x14)

(This image is something that I am sharing with you to put and your home and enjoy. Please don't claim that it's yours, print and sell it or anything like that....that would be lame. Otherwise, enjoy!)

Help me pick!

2011-07-28T10:21:00.001-06:00

I want to paint my back door. I think it would be a fun addition of color to my very neutral kitchen and laundry room.

So tell me what you think!
(The picture is not great so you may have to use some imagination)

Green---

Blue---

Coral---

Tell me what you think or if there's another color I should consider, let me know.

Shout it to the world!

2011-07-11T14:37:00.000-06:00

Don't you sometimes get so bugged about something that you feel like the whole world should hear about it? That's the nice thing about having a blog. Sure, the world doesn't read my blog....just a couple dozen people do (and it does not have anything to do with you)...but I just need to get this out of my system so here it is----

Dear World,

PLEASE please please stop using the phrase "I could care less" when you really mean "couldn't care less". It bugs me.

Thank you,

Laurie

(Was this a mean post? I was just on facebook and the phrase was being used all over the place. Instead of correcting the writers I decided to proclaim my annoyance here.)

Do you have any pet peeves like this? Do you ever feel like correcting mistakes you see on facebook updates?

Food Photography

2011-07-08T10:42:00.003-06:00

I've been using the ol' camera again lately to help my mother-in-law with a school project. I'm a horrible stylist but I like how some of the pictures turned out.

First off, my "studio". (: I used my kitchen table and a leftover piece of sheer fabric taped around the window as a diffuser. And if you can picture it, I held my reflector on the other side while taking the pictures. My coordination was being tested to near its limits. Lol

And now the fruit. Mmmmmm!

Wouldn't some of these be pretty as a print in a kitchen?

There's a first time for everything...

2011-07-06T09:13:00.004-06:00

I just finished my first reupholstering project. I was totally inspired by a tutorial on the Little Green Notebook, but it was evident early on that I'm not nearly as skilled as Jenny. Liiiike, not even close. But I went for it and I'm fine with how it turned out. (The perfectionist in me is screaming a little but whatever...)

So now I'm trying to make myself feel better about how NOT perfect it is by telling myself "You have to start somewhere!" Which is totally true, right? (:

Here is the before----

And now here is the after----

I had a bugger of a time sewing the welting. It's just a straight line but I'm uncoordinated. So I went with Plan B and just glued fabric around the original welting.

It'll do...it'll do. (: If you see it in person, please just squint your eyes and don't look too closely. Seriously people, I only posted pictures that wouldn't make me look like a total dork. Geez... I guess it's only up from here!

We have a dog!!!

2011-06-27T12:09:00.001-06:00

We inherited her from Teejay's brother and we LOOOOOOOOOOVE her! I'm so happy we didn't have to deal with a puppy. This girl is trained perfectly and is a sweetheart. She just fits right in!

Monday, Mondaaaay

2011-06-27T11:29:00.004-06:00

For the last few months I have been obsessed, like really really OBSESSED, with interior design blogs. Because of this, I've been changing a lot in my home and I love the changes. (I'm pretty sure Teejay is ready to toss me out the window though....he's a good sport.)

Here are some of my favorites---- (yes I wrote "some". There are dozens in my favorites folder)

I actually had Kirsten over to my house for a consultation and it was great! She is teeny-tiny and super talented and nice. What I loved is that she gave it to me straight. She told me exactly what wasn't working, why it wasn't and examples of how to fix it. We went through most of my little house and I'm excited to post pictures of some of the changes I've made since meeting with her.

I love Dwell Studio. Love their designs, fabrics....everything. They are out of my price-range but I still love the blog for inspiration.

I love this blog because of all the amazing tutorials. She is crazy talented, creative, handy and shares this with readers. The first time I went to this blog I'm pretty sure I read through the whole thing. I was instantly addicted.

I'm pretty new to reading Me Oh My but man I love her style.

This husband and wife do just about everything. They are building, painting, re-purposing extraordinaires. Great tutorials and inspiration.

I love just about everything Paloma posts. When reading her blog I frequently exclaim (out loud to myself) "What!? I love that!" She is one of my super faves.

So go check these blogs out!

Y'welcome.

Blerg...

2011-06-21T10:46:00.001-06:00

In the last two months we've had two sweet grandmothers pass away and James broke his leg. And on a separate occasion, his collarbone.

It's been stressful.

Now things are finally getting back to something resembling "normal" and I'm so glad! Phew! (:

Between those events and a bunch of the happier ones that came in between, there is a lot I want to blog about so I'm really going to jump in again soon. Like tomorrow. (:

See you then!

Stargazing with James

2011-05-14T14:38:00.002-06:00

James took a late nap yesterday and so he was up past his usual bedtime. I was up working on projects around the house so I just let it be. As I was washing dishes he came in and asked me "Where is Mr. Moon?" So I took him outside to see the moon and when I tried to bring him back in he got upset saying he just wanted to look at the moon.

I thought that was so cool! After fighting the very strong impulses to get back in the house to finish my housework I got out two camping chairs, a couple blankets and choice beverage that I will not name at the moment (since I was supposed to have given it up months ago) and we sat and looked up at the sky.

We counted stars and talked about Mickey Mouse being on the moon with Alien Mickey. We saw shooting stars (airplanes) and James thought they were "amazing!" He would say "Oh. my. gosh. mom. That is uh-MAZING! Say it mom! Oh....my...GOSH!"

We talked about earth for a while too. At the end of that conversation he asked "Mama, we are on our planet and the moon is faaaaaar away?" I said that it was, and after a minute he replied "Mama, we really need a spaceship!" Man I love that boy!

I loved sitting, talking, laughing and playing with my sweet son. He was so observant and absorbed everything he saw and heard. Not only am I so grateful for James but for opportunity to be a mom. I get to see the world again through my children. To look at the stars and be in awe of the sky.

When is the last time you just sat down and enjoyed a beautiful morning/evening? Do it the next chance you get! I felt so happy and clearheaded and it carried into today. I plan on doing this kind of thing A LOT this Summer!

Aw poo!

2011-05-11T12:32:00.002-06:00

I just thought of something so clever to blog about but completely lost the thought on my way to the computer. (And when I say "on my way" it means feeding the kids lunch, putting Abbey down for a nap and settling James down enough to rest his leg and watch a movie...phew!)

Since I'm here I might as well share something interesting.

Hmmmm.....

PINTEREST!!! One of my new favorite things! Do you know what it is? It's an online pin-board and I love it! I'm pretty new to the whole thing so I don't have a ton of boards, but I'm excited to add more. Go request an invite. Now.

Most of my boards have to do with decorating my house, which is something I'm a little obsessed with at the moment, so here are some pictures I've pinned.

(FYI---when you pin something it saves the picture AND the link where you got it so you can get back to the site....brilliant)

Also, I just found out about Curbly. Check that one out too!

That's it for now. Do you have any sites you just love? Are you now indebted to me for introducing you to Pinterest? lol....It's very likely you all already know about it. (:

I'll be back

2011-05-03T09:18:00.000-06:00

Not Terminator-style...just trying to work things out from the latest onslaught of crazy in my life.

Thank you for continuing to check my blog despite my horrible blogging efforts!

Kohlbin

2011-04-12T12:40:00.001-06:00

My super cute nephew turned 1!

Looking for inspiration...

2011-03-25T00:03:00.002-06:00

I'm feeling stuck. It's 2:45am and I have so many thoughts getting jumbled in my head so what do I do? Just lay in bed...anxiety growing by the minute. So now I'm just sitting at the computer watching shows on hulu and jumping from blog to blog.

Lame.

I've been looking for something inspiring. Something to get me going.....and nothing. Although a lot of my favorite bloggers are incredible and in a lot of ways inspiring, I'm not feeling it.

So here's what I've decided to do-----I'm taking a break.

From March 28th to April 4th I am keeping the computer and the TV OFF!

Would anyone like to join me???

Oh wow...

2011-03-23T12:20:00.000-06:00

or is it WOW!? I can't believe this amazing news. I get to be apart of Mandi Nuttal's Beauty Campaign. I entered a few months ago and thought it was a long shot since so many women would enter, but I am one lucky lady!

I will be on the other side of the camera! Weird right? And she is an incredible photographer!

When I read the e-mail I got this morning, after the initial excitement I immediately got bombarded with bad thoughts. All my insecurities came rushing to my mind....all. of. them. But you know what? I am fighting back. I'm excited to get gussied up to look and feel pretty. I've come a long way about how I feel about myself and so I am really looking forward to this now.

It could not have come at a better time. I'm feeling very blessed.

Check out Mandi's Site and what she's doing. It is sooooo cool! Thank you Mandi!

Millar Girl Weekend and a Happy Mom

2011-03-18T13:47:00.002-06:00

Woohoo! It was so much fun to be with the girls. It was the first time I had been away from my kids overnight, especially two nights! It was a little weird at first---On the way down I totally kept glancing at the back seat thinking they were back there. (:

Tessa was my traveling buddy on the way down. All I can say about that is WHAT A TROOPER! (listening to me sing show tunes and led zeppelin can't be fun...) I loved spending time with her and getting to know her a little better. She is one rockin' girl who really, really loves boys. (;

On Saturday, we went to make cards at the Stampin' Up thing and it was fun! I enjoyed being with everyone and witnessing major creative awesomeness. Yes, that is a thing.

Crazy Tessa had so much fun at the end....

SWAG!

As you can see, I didn't finish my cards there but I DID finish them last night! See girls? I did it! I'm pretty sure they didn't think I would. haha

Tiffany, Tessa and I went down to the pool Saturday night and if I wrote what the conversations were like I would lose any and all credibility to be considered a sane person. I will just repeat my sentiment that Tessa is a "trooper".

The rest of the night was low-key and fun.

It's funny being away from your kids. You realize how much of your life is taken up by those sweet munchkins. Here are some of the luxurious moments I experienced during my weekend---

-Showering and using the restroom by myself.
-Eating food and treats without splitting it three ways
-Being at the event and not having to constantly keep my eye on kids to make sure they are being good and safe.
-Sitting on the deck, putting my feet up and reading! I got to read! Aaaahhh....
-Sitting in a hot tub
-Blasting music in my car

Even though I was enjoying myself, as soon as I heard that James was sick my brain went into Mom Mode and I couldn't get home fast enough. It really hit me that I'm fine with those sweet munchkins being my life. The hugs and kisses I came home to were wonderful, and I promptly shared a bowl of cereal with my kiddos.
It was good to get away and even better coming home.

I sure love being a mom. I look at my kids and I can hardly stop myself from attacking their faces with kisses!

Hope your St. Patrick's day was pinch-free!

My Girly-Girl

2011-03-18T11:51:00.001-06:00

She found these necklaces at my mom's house and knew EXACTLY what to do with them! Now she is obsessed with necklaces....so much fun! The funny thing is that she really wanted that one strand to go ever her ears....even when I'd take it off.

Remind you of anything Whitney? (:

Birthday Party

2011-03-17T13:05:00.002-06:00

A group of us went to the cemetery to release balloons into the air, in honor of Dave. Then we went to my parents, ate, talked and watched home movies....namely "Roses in the Snow" and "Dead Roses in the Spring". (Movies starring David, Kelly, Tricia, Jeffrey and me) SO funny! The grandkids loved it!

It was so nice to be together on his birthday. Kudos to Cambridge for putting it together!

Hmmm...sorry 'bout that

2011-03-14T22:47:00.003-06:00

I've been sick.....my kids have been sick.....I went out of town with the Millar gals....my mom had a double knee replacement....my grandma is getting worse all the time....it's been busy.

I have about a ga-jillion things to blog about so I will eventually catch up. (:

Today's blog post is a little more on the serious side, but it is definitely a subject that will pop up quite often so I'm just going to jump right into it.

My brother Dave.

Tomorrow is his birthday and I can't help but think of the fact that one year ago he was here. On earth. I was making plans with people to go to lunch. We went to Wingers for his birthday last year and I gave him the usual...drinking money. (Don't worry, he drank Dr Pepper) It was in a super cute tin and he pretended to appreciate the cuteness of it. That was sweet of him. (:

After his death last Fall, my emotions on the whole thing have evened out. No more crazy extremes but I still hit my low points. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm in a position to feel so low about it....that I was just his sister. His wife, child and my parents can feel bad but I can't. It's a silly way to think but I end up thinking that way more than I should. So right here, right now, on the eve of his birthday I am going to tell you that I feel incredibly sad about David and it's okay to be that way.

Man this stinks...

To say that I miss him is an understatement. There have been times I go to bed praying, just aching, to dream about him so that I can see him and hear him speak. Unfortunately, the dreams I do have of him are too real...symbolic and deep where he usually ends up dying again so I have quit asking for him. Some of my family members think I should write these dreams down but I can't. I don't want to remember them. What do you think? Are they worth writing down?

Tomorrow we are having a party for David. We will eat cake and talk and talk and talk about him. As much as I feel sad that he is gone, I'm very glad we are going to celebrate his birthday! I have so many fun and silly memories of him that I know Morgan (his daughter) will just love so I will type them up and give them to her tomorrow.

Is it crazy that I hope he gets to be at the party? That he will know how much we love him and celebrate the life he had? I really hope it works out that way. (:

Because no matter what, you should always feel loved on your birthday!

Happy Birthday to my wonderful brother Dave!

Money Money Money

2011-02-28T09:09:00.002-07:00

Teejay and I read Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover and are gearing up to make some major changes in our spending habits. We are excited! We have the fire in our bellies (is that a thing?) and we're ready to go.

This means consistency and discipline....which is not as easy as it sounds. We really want to pay off our debts, including student loans, in just a few years. Even though I'm excited, I can't help but feel intimidated by the whole thing as well.

Yes, I like a good bargain and yes, I use coupons but when it comes down to it I'm not great at staying right in my budget. Do you know what is going to be AWESOME though? James is potty-trained and Abby doesn't drink formula anymore!!!!! Do you know how much of my limited budget goes to diapers for two children and ridiculously expensive formula? Not buying formula and diapers for one child is going to save me a little over $100 a month. HALLELUJAH! (:

This month I am writing down every single thing I buy so that I know where every penny has gone. Here's the chart just in case you want to do it too.

I'm just establishing a baseline....what I purchase and how much/often I buy certain things. I've also set aside a certain amount of my budget to bulk/storage items.

Don't forget to figure in tax!

This paper goes in a binder I have dedicated to all things financial.

To my 10 or so readers (mom, dad....and 8 others (: ), what do you do to stay on budget? How do you save money? Any tips?

Quick Craft

2011-02-26T11:01:00.001-07:00

I have a bunch of extra fabric that I used for backdrops, so I've been trying to come up with things to do with it. This is a variation on a print I've seen at the craft boutiques....

Started with stapling the fabric onto one of my old canvases.

Cut out the shape of Utah. While I was cutting it I couldn't help but be grateful that Utah is shaped the way it is. Anymore difficult and I probably wouldn't have made this. That's how lazy I am...(:

Turns out that even though it's upholstery fabric, it was still kind of transparent so I painted the back of the fabric with Gesso. (White paint that used for prepping canvas...I'm sure you could use regular white craft paint)

It did the trick. Now time to cut out the heart. Roughly cut the size and fold in half while you cut half a heart.

Now for the glue gun---

And VOILA!

Fly Like an Eagle....

2011-02-24T15:47:00.004-07:00

My little brother is officially getting his Eagle Scout award (award....is that right? I can't remember) on Saturday. Since he's all hip and everything, my mom didn't want to give him something corny. Example---A picture of a bald eagle, American flag and some goofy phrase like "You're an Eagle" or "Now Soar!" lol (I have just now decided to design a greeting card that says the latter. I'm laughing hysterically as I type. So tired. So, so tired.)

You know what I'm talking about right?

So here's what I came up with----

The eagle is from a free font that I downloaded on dafont called Birds of a Feather.

Does anyone else love fonts? If so, I get most of mine from dafont and fontsquirrel.

My New Plan

2011-02-18T12:02:00.001-07:00

I once read a phrase that struck a chord with me about eating...it was something like "An eating disorder stems from not wanting to feel". (I'm not anorexic or bulimic, clearly, but I do have a problem with food. Enough so that I am not as healthy as I should be.) I've thought of this idea often as I've tried to analyze my habits over the last few years, and more specifically, the last few months. As I review the past I can see all the times that something crazy was going on and my weight went up, it is really straightforward actually. Here's my problem though....with the exception of my pregnancy with Abby, my weight has really never gone down.

Sure I'll lose 5 lbs here and there when I get sick of being fat, but my resolve dissolves quickly and I'm back at square one. So I figure that there has to be one huge, underlying reason why I can't commit to a healthy lifestyle.

I had an AH-HA! moment the other day while reading one of my favorite blogs, written by the fabulous Meg Fee. Here's the post. When reading about the woman on Weight Watchers not wanting to gain the 40 lbs she'd lost I said to myself "I'd rather stay fat than 'yo-yo'". That thought right there kept my mind busy for a long time. Why? Why do I feel that way? I've seen a whole bunch of people, including my mother, "yo-yo" their weight over time. I see what it does to them, to their self-esteem and it does not look appealing. I have seen first-hand that restrictive diets and fad diets don't work long term. If I'm going to lose weight and be healthy it will be a lifestyle thing. Something I will do for the rest of my life.

Meg talks about the fear of food, which is not my problem....I LOVE food (healthy foods included) but I am incredibly scared of failure. So that is why I am changing gears. Setting myself up for success for the rest of my life. I'm working on developing healthy habits because I love my body and it deserves to be taken care of not because I want to be a certain weight or size.

So here is the general plan....

Drink plenty of water
Exercise daily
Play with my kids
Shower and get ready everyday (does anyone else have a hard time with this one?)
Eat the recommended amount of fruits and veggies everyday
Practice optimism
Get plenty of sleep
Moderation in all things

The last one is key to my eating. Notice that there are no restrictions on what I eat but I do need to watch how much I eat...especially for the unhealthy foods. My theory is that just treating my body the way it deserves to be treated will help me be healthy and get down to the right weight range for me.

I'm shooting for health, not size.

Will I ever be perfect at this? I don't expect to be. But darn-it-all I am going to work on it every day! (:

And seriously people, read Meg's Blog. She is inspirational and an incredible writer!

So what do you think? What are you working on?

I want it

2011-02-15T11:44:00.001-07:00

I am a sucker for white and black checkered floors. I love this kitchen! Right now I am picturing myself sitting in the perfectly clean, light and bright kitchen thinking of the wonderful meals I could prepare in there. Not too big, not too small. Love it!

Lovely Day

2011-02-14T15:05:00.001-07:00

Whether you believe Valentine's Day should be celebrated or not, I'm wishing you all a happy day! I, for one, love every holiday because it means more time with my little family and usually good food! (:

Ending "Fat Talk"

2011-02-13T17:28:00.001-07:00

I'm changing my game-plan a little bit....no more posting my weight or limiting my diet. There are reasons for the change and I will post a lot more on that as time goes on. Trust me, it's a good thing. I'm gettin' healthy.

I saw this video and loved it. Let me know what you think!

O Coke! My Coke!

2011-02-09T21:58:00.001-07:00

Just like Whitman's Captain, my Diet Coke is going to die. Trouble is that I'm completely addicted. I really, REALLY depend on it but it's horrible for you. I've stopped drinking it a number of times but I am now officially ready to let it go.

Boo.

And a yay is in order too since I'm making a healthy decision so.....

YAY!

photo taken from google

Avoid Emotional Debt

2011-02-09T21:37:00.001-07:00

Confession time----I TOTALLY thought I came up with the idea of "emotional debt". Really. And I thought it was brilliant! Turns out Google proved me wrong. (; My embarrassing attempt at being original aside, I do love the phrase and the immediate picture it provides.

As I was reading about self-reliance, I ended up reading quite a bit about financial self-reliance which has quite a few similarities to emotional self-reliance. Here is where my not-so-brilliant phraseology comes into play----

Teejay and I have always practiced having savings accounts. I can't tell you how many times I have been SO grateful that we do this. As a young family with a husband going to school full-time, we are not exactly rolling in the "dough." Money is tight. Our savings have saved us from using money we don't have (thus going into debt) for car repairs, house repairs and/or medical expenses. That's a big deal!

I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this....

Just like saving for potential financial troubles, we need to mentally save for emotional issues. This means being kind to yourself and others, practicing optimism, not tearing yourself down, building yourself up, developing your spirituality...the list goes on. That way, when we run into struggles we don't have to go into emotional debt to get through it.

And just like building a monetary savings account, building an emotional savings account takes work. It takes diligence and a lot of time and effort.

I went into emotional debt when my brother committed suicide. I did. Plain and simple. I had not been taking care of myself in any way for months before or even the few months after. By the holidays I was completely depleted and felt trapped and hopeless. It's okay to be sad, even depressed but when it becomes unhealthy that is when it becomes a debt. Something had to change or I was going to be in really big trouble.

Once I started doing everything I could to come out of this "debt" making a conscious and consistent effort every day to get better do you know what happened? God led me the rest of the way. I will never doubt that and I will never forget it. Once I did my part, He mercifully did His. Personally, I have learned lessons about myself and others that will always stay with me.

Being self-reliant in any way means that we can rely on ourselves....Profound, right? (: I really believe that God wants us to be able to do this in every facet of our lives. He wants to help us help ourselves to grow and learn. To accomplish this we have to do everything that is in our power and have some faith in ourselves and then we are met halfway.

We all have the capacity to become emotionally self-reliant.....anybody else working on this with me? Anything you want to add? I want to hear it!

Emotional Self-Reliance continued....

2011-02-09T20:23:00.002-07:00

I have a lot to say on the topic and as it turns out so do you! I had quite a few family and friends e-mail me some thoughts and ideas so this may end up being a "series" of sorts. Awesome!!! Clearly this is something we all struggle with and we can help each other out.

So I'm going to throw out a couple ideas here, and keep in mind that I am not the authority on, well, anything.... these are things I am working on.

I think it's important to begin with this proclamation "We are ALL worth taking care of!" It really doesn't matter who you are, what you look like, if you think you're horrible or wonderful you are worth the extra effort to be healthy emotionally (and physically, and spiritually, and socially etc.) I don't know if anyone else has ever felt like this, but in the past I have sort of punished myself by denying myself something good for me because I didn't feel like I deserved it.

Examples....I can't go for a walk or bring the kids to the park because the house is a mess. Or even, I was kind of grumpy with my kids today so I shouldn't go to the gym. I need to play with them instead. I won't even sit down a read a book because that just seems too frivolous or even luxurious.

Cleaning the house and playing with my kids is great but why do I not do those things AND take "me" time? (I'm struggling to come up with the right wording for my response here.....I want to be plainly understood and tactful....) I really believe as women, especially mothers and wives it is very easy to put everyone else's well-being before your own. There are a million things to do so if you don't get a shower that day, or you don't eat that healthy big deal! I think this is where we, (or I) run into trouble.

Is it really helping your family and/or friends if you don't shower, exercise, meditate, read, or whatever? Doesn't it make good sense that if you take care of yourself you'll be better equipped to help others? You'll feel better! I know there are days where it seems like there isn't an extra minute, I know it, but we all need to put some effort into finding that minute to be good to ourselves.

Okay, I could go on and on regarding about a billion topics here but what I am trying to get across is this----

We as individuals are important and need to treat ourselves as such. We are worth it! And it's worth the time.

Yes, it's mildly cheesy (or really cheesy) but I think it's a good baseline thought process to start with when shooting for Emotional Self-Reliance. If you want it on a spiritual note, think of "the worth of souls is great in the sight of God" and we are all sons and daughters of God. If you believe you are a child of God, that in itself should help you realize how important we are.

I'll end this post with some ideas from readers and friends on how to take time for emotional health---

-Meditation (I'm totally going to do a post on this)
-Writing/Blogging
-Exercise
-Scrapbooking
-Prayer
-Practicing optimism
-Crafting or art (a release)

Scrapbook-er extraordinaire Taraleigh sent me a link to Big Picture and I thought it was awesome so check it out!

There are plenty of things we need to do in this life, just make sure taking care of yourself is one of those things.

‎"It takes prioritization and precision, not perfection." - Julie B. Beck

Emotional Self-Reliance

2011-02-05T13:42:00.002-07:00

My Relief Society president called me yesterday and asked if I could be one of a few people to talk in class about emotional self-reliance. In response, I almost said "Have you MET me?" but instead, I said "sure!"

Hmmmmm......

I have a few ideas but I'm going to throw this question out there, just in cause someone is reading blogs on a Saturday afternoon (right...).

What do you do to maintain your emotional health? What helps you when you're feeling overwhelmed or sad?

Blog Love: Two of my favorite people

2011-02-05T13:34:00.001-07:00

I thought it would be fun to feature blogs that I love each week. So to start this off I thought I would feature Lisa of Home Grown Half Pints and Kelli of Copycat Crafter.

Lisa is one of those women who I am SURE has more hours in a day available to her than I do! She does everything! She quilts, cooks, sews, bikes, thrifts, serves others and has great style. Lisa used to live down the street from me, and she is one of those people I will always brag about knowing. (:

Go check out her blog full of fun and inspiration!

(cupcakes made from a old sweaters...brilliant and adorable. Picture from her blog)

Kelli is a gal that I have known for, well, a long time! Anyone who has met her, loves her and it's not hard to see why. She is sweet, funny, talkative, creative, and outgoing. And she was one of my main inspirations when jumping into a photography business. She is a great photographer! And I LOVE what she does with her digital scrapbooking.

Kelli just started her crafting blog, so there is only a couple posts right now but I know she's definitely someone to follow. She has great taste in all things cute and crafty!

Go check them out!

Must be a habit

2011-02-02T20:35:00.001-07:00

I am posting pictures I took of my sweet Abby recently. She is such an wonderful little girl and Teejay, James and I are in love with her! We have so much fun.

Also, I think this is good evidence that she DOES have red in her hair. Nobody believes me.

I can do this!!! (right?)

2011-01-29T08:58:00.001-07:00

Gah....You would think this wouldn't be so hard for me. I'm very committed and reeeeeaaaaaaaally want to lose the weight. But yesterday I just woke up in a weird mood. As far as my eating went I did great at the beginning of the day, determined not to indulge my emotions with food. However, by the end of the day I really messed things up. I didn't add it up but I'm pretty sure that I ate more calories yesterday than I had the previous two days combined. What. the. hell..... Yes, I said hell! I'm feeling a little discouraged about my will power.

I guess I just have to do better today! And do a super long workout. (:

From James

2011-01-27T09:28:00.000-07:00

James would like to do a post, so for your viewing pleasure here we go!

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Decisions, decisions

2011-01-27T09:24:00.001-07:00

I am an amateur photographer who has built a great business. Really....I have some amazing clients who have ended up being good friends. It's been great! For a long time photography has been a release for me. As a mom it's been so nice for me to get out of the house, meet fabulous people and take pictures....but I'm done.

Since the Fall I have had this internal struggle on whether or not to keep going with my business. But I fought it. Photography is my....thing. My art, my stress-reliever, my work, my pride. I have worked so hard to improve and build a business, with so many plans in motion to improve even more so why am I getting this resounding "no" to all that? Why have all the ambition if I am not supposed to keep going? What are the reasons?

So for months I have been battling with it until now....I think I finally see the reason. It is probably the only thing that could stop me---- My family. They need me. My husband is going to work and school full-time and my kids are so young. I'm ready to start playing instead of working on pictures. I'm ready to get a babysitter so that I can go out with my husband instead of "getting away".

I also see another reason to stop, one that cannot be dismissed (no matter how often it actually is....) and that is me. I don't have it together enough to do everything right now. I need to focus on me. How often do we make ourselves a priority? I want to be healthy, more organized, more consistent at keeping a house clean and dinners made, efficient with my budget. I'm not shooting for perfection (we all know how that would end) but there are plenty of ways I can improve and become efficient.

As Jenny says....

"I can't do it all but I can do a lot."

I love it!

My Blogging Goals

2011-01-26T15:25:00.001-07:00

Well, I just read an amazing post on developing a blog community on Little Green Notebook and I've been inspired to think of some goals for my blog.

I'm worried I might be a little too random but here we go....

-I want to track my weight-loss and share what I learn.
-I want to relate to other women and mothers
-I love to do fun, crafty things and I love to cook so it's a good way to share
-I'm at the point where I'd like to have a voice in the blog-world. I have things to say and share, so this is a great way to do it.

I guess my ultimate goal is that my blog will be fun and inspiring. Somewhere you go to get ideas and relate to someone who is going through the ups and downs of life. Yeah....that sounds good. (:

Losing weight

2011-01-21T13:02:00.000-07:00

Doing posts about my weight goals keeps me accountable to...well, no one because nobody reads this blog but it seems like a good thing to do.

Confession

2011-01-19T16:43:00.001-07:00

I'm fat. Like reeeeeaaaaallly fat. But you know? I think I'm finally ready to lose it. I don't mind declaring to the world that I weigh 225 lbs. That can't be a huge shocker to anyone who has seen me lately. My doctor said I should shoot for getting down to 150-160 lbs. I'm going to give myself a year to get down to 160. 65 lbs! Gah.....

Up until high school graduation I weighed a tidy 130 lbs. As an athlete and a teenager you can eat whatever you want and hardly gain a pound. What I'm getting at is that I have never really developed healthy living habits. I love playing sports and I even like working out but I eat a ton of crap and don't do a lot of regular exercise. So here's what I'm going to start with---

-I have a gym pass and will go at least 4x a week
-Drink 64 oz water every day
-No eating after 7pm every day
-Eat the daily recommended amount of fruits and veggies every day

My goal is to do these things every day for two weeks.

Go me!

What's with the name?

2011-01-19T11:42:00.000-07:00

Beekeeper's Granddaughter. It's simple really....my Grandpa Meyer was a beekeeper. (: Bees were his life. He grew up in the bee business and he and his brother developed a very successful business in the end. My Grandpa was incredibly smart and dedicated and I've always admired him. He passed away in 2007 at the age of 92 and I miss him. Every time I read about his life and accomplishments I'm inspired so I think including him in my blog name is appropriate.

The name also pays homage to my other ancestors. I love and appreciate those people who came before me! My mom is a genealogy fiend and we have so much fun information on them. They were all amazing! Hard-working, intelligent, funny, innovative, loving, salt-of-the-earth kind of people. Sacrificing with faith in the future. It really makes me wonder if I'm doing anything like it. A good portion of this blog will be dedicated to tracking and monitoring my progression in trying to be good like my family now and those who came before. Taking what I learn from their stories and implementing it into my own life.

So there you have it. Why I chose the "Beekeeper's Granddaughter".

My First Post

2011-01-19T11:17:00.000-07:00

Well....here I am. Blogging. Just for the record, it's not a family blog it is a personal blog. Although since I'm a mom pictures of my kids might pop up every now and again.

So basically, you just get me on this blog. I'm not really cool, talented, smart or funny but I just feel like blogging. Go figure.

I like a little bit of everything so hopefully people will find something they relate to and like.